"God's Word on Marriage"

I was asked to share with the Mothers of Preschoolers at my churh. The topic I was given was "What it means to have a Godly Marriage". What that might look like. The following is what I shared with them from God's Word.

Although my husband and I have a really good marriage and do seek to set a good example we are not by any means perfect, so I want to take you to the only place that holds the perfect pattern, the Word of God.

To begin though, we must poses the key to this whole process. That is the knowing that our individual life belongs to God, that we have placed our trust in the work Jesus did on the cross to purchase our pardon, forgiveness for our sin, that He died, rose again and went back to Heaven to let the Father know he had paid the price for us to be able to have a viable relationship with Him and go to be with Him one day. None of what I’m going to share with you will do any good without that initial step. All you have to do is ask.

God’s plan for marriage starts out in the positive and perfect, sadly it ends on a rather negative note.

Let’s take a look at parts of the first three chapters of Genesis.
Gen 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Gen 2:15-18 15Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.
16 The LORD God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely;
17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die."
18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."
20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.
22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
The King James says leave and cleave. Cleave is a really strong word according to Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. “To part, divide or pierce by force, as with a cutting blow to split or separate.”

Now I don’t want you to go home and tell your husband that he has to cut all ties to his parents, yet there is a balance to be sought in the relationships we maintain with our parents and for me with our children. Those words could also apply to wives and our relationship to our parents. Do you as a couple give in to demands of parents on either side over and above what you know is best for your family? This is an issue that can cause great difficulty in a young marriage if not settled early on.
I’m not talking about genuine needs of our parents. As Paul wrote to Timothy:

1st Timothy 5:8 (Amplified Bible)
8If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters]

The Fall of Man
Genesis 3: 1-19 1Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?"
2 The woman said to the serpent, "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat;
3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.'"
4 The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die!
5 "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.
7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.
8 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?"
10 He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself."
11 And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?"
12 The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate."
13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" And the woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."
Adam and Eve failed the test. Adam did not listen to God and thus did not instruct his wife strongly enough, she in turn lead him astray and the perfect world God created was changed. God proceeded to talk to the serpent and then to Eve and then to Adam, listen.
Genesis 3:14-19 14 So the LORD God said to the serpent:
“Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all cattle,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your belly you shall go,
And you shall eat dust
All the days of your life.
15 And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her Seed;
He shall bruise your head,
And you shall bruise His heel.”
16 To the woman He said:
“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:
“ Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.
19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.”
I’ve read this portion in the New King James version for a specific reason. Look at Verse 16. There are five things in this little verse that God states. Multiplied your sorrow and your conception, pain in childbirth, your desire will be for your husband and he shall rule over you. Not only will there be multiplied sorrow in general but also I would suspect, for sin, as I’m certain Eve had, but it says multiply conception, my obstruction friend says this means multiple births. Even with all this difficulty the woman’s desire will be for her husband and he will be the leader, rule over us.

There are two major places in the New Testament where marriage is addressed in light of the order of things in a marriage. Ephesians 5:22-33

Marriage Like Christ and the Church
22 Wives, )be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the (AZ)head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having (BE)cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30because we are members of His body.
31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
As you see in verse 31 the command from Genesis is repeated. This portion of scripture I believe is speaking to a believing couple, husband and wife are believers. Submission has gotten a bad wrap over the years due to abuses and misuses of the words I just read. Men have used it to keep their wives and children in subservient and abusive situations. A woman should never stay in this type of situation and seek help. There is great comfort and protection for wives and children in these verses. The order of authority in the home is Christ, first, husband next then wife and children. We understand respect for authority under the law of the land, the policeman says stop, move over, go around and we obey, for a simple illustration. Do we as wives give our husbands that same kind of respect? One simple way the order of authority is very helpful to me is that it gives me the right to say no in all kinds of places and keeps me safe from intruders. Because I know I’m not going to buy any big ticket item without my husband’s okay I can choose not to talk to a sales person or maybe even choose not to answer the door if the situation looks uncomfortable.

God’s word also speaks to the wife whose husband is not a believer. Listen to what Peter has to say on the subject.



1 Peter 3 (New King James Version)
1 Peter 3:1-6
Submission to Husbands
1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
Changing our husbands is God’s job, not ours. Am I a manipulator, a nag in regards to Spiritual things? What is our outward and inward attitude? Outward care of our bodies, yes and along with that a gentle quiet, cooperative, unselfish attitude. Am I paying attention? Eve failed at this point, do I? Are his desires your desires? As a new friend shared last week “Make his passions your passions.”
That brings me to the Proverbs 31 Woman.
This woman is the ideal wife, and this passage has had whole books written about it. My point in reading it to you is that as we seek to allow the Lord to work the principals we have already talked about into our lives and our marriages we will become this woman by His grace. The center portion of this Proverb addresses a different era but the principles still apply. We are to be helpers, keepers of our homes.

Description of a Worthy Woman
10An (M)excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far (N)above jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
14She is like (O)merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
15She (P)rises also while it is still night
And (Q)gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She (R)girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
18She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
20She (S)extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are (T)clothed with scarlet.
22She makes (U)coverings for herself;
Her clothing is (V)fine linen and (W)purple.
23Her husband is known (X)in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes (Y)linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25Strength and (Z)dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
26She (AA)opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the (AB)bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who (AC)fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

For her worth is far (N)above jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.